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FlashBack Friday: HomeGrown Mockery

Sup people dem! I was away on holiday-e-a-e-a a-e-a-e-a (pronounce the letter as you would in the alphabet) as Chevaugn sung, so haven't done a FlashBack Friday (click for previous episodes) for a hot minute. Before that I was probably too busy to do it (or so I'm telling you muahahahaha). Anyway, I'M/ITS BACK!

Today, for some random reason a song came into my head. I have them word association moments from the smallest things, so it could have been anything. Anyway, I heard searched it in YouTube, listened to it, and yes it was still as cheesy and crap as it was over 10 years ago.

This inspired me to post about the 3 cheesiest knock-off's of UK homegrown sounds.

Disclaimer: Well, sounds that to my knowledge are UK homegrown (go easy you keyboard warriors, mistakes happen).

1st up, the song that inspired this all. According to ever-reliable online encyclopedia, this group formed in Finland. That's right Finland. (This is the reason for the above disclaimer because to me this sounds like Jungle/D&B which as far as I know is UK homegrown.) You may remember this cheesy knock-off D&B track, released in 1999, it reached #2 on the UK charts and topped quite a few around Europe. Been on soundtracks for films... Still don't care, the song was rubbish. And their name was arguably worse than the song. Guess you want to know what song I'm talking about? Bomfunk MCs - Freestyler. His "freestyling" is the only reason why I won't question his accent or what the hell he's actually saying?

Next up, a track that came out long after the garage scene passed on RIP *pours out a little Apfelsaft (into a cup and drinks it)*. At the time of release, we were raving to old skool garage, that's how long after the phase had passed. The last song of any credibility to chart from garage is Daniel Beddingfield 'Gotta Get Thru This' ("thru" was for the street cred init?) and that was 2001. In the midst of the grey period of grime being grimey, taking over as the sound of the underground (but not charting), this managed to virtually come out from nowhere as far as I'm concerned. The route for garage songs to mainstream charts was through underground clubs, white label release, big label sign + promotion = chart success. I never heard this song anywhere. This song actually makes me vex when I hear it. Not quite as vex as when I hear Blazing Squad 'Crossroads' and these tunes but still.

3 of a Kind aka N-Dubz before N-Dubz, but nowhere near as talented. Ergh, and what a sh*t title 'Babycakes'. Absolute MOCKERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Topped the UK chart but who cares? Who can forget the ghastly video filled with stereotypical dance video innuendo's?

And last but not least, a song I absolutely cringed at every-single-time it played. A DJ could have played the biggest set of his life leading up to this tune, I'd stop dancing dead on the dancefloor. Care not, that is nearly as big a spoiler than when my uncle told who won out of Roy Jones jr. vs John Ruiz, then had the cheek to tell me to shut up when I told him I didn't want to know. If you're wonder I did indeed shutup. Anyway, came off the back of what I call the nearly-genre aka never-quite-did-what-it-was-supposed-to better known as bassline. Don't care how big it is in midlands, it ain't sh*t down here (in London). Everyone thought it would dominate the charts after Heartbroken, I said no, no, no.

I remember the London people saying bassline was just garage, bassline people refuted that vehemently (thought I'd throw in some words I don't usually write on my blog. Fingers crossed I used them correctly. Go easy broadband badmen). Garage had collective So Solid, bassline had producer H 'two' O. Says it all. Song 'What's It Gonna Be' reached #2 in UK if I'm not mistaken. Once again, "IT DOESN'T MATTER!"

So that's one for D&B, garage and bassline. Haven't decided on one for UK Funky. Head, Shoulders, Knee & Toez is definitely the frontrunner though. Also, haven't got one for grime. Leave any suggestion in comments or tweet me @MarvinSparks

Honourable mention to what I consider the cheesiest garage tune ever to chart. This came out while garage was still in, but my goodness was it a bag-a-fresh-cow-dung-with-flies-and-magg... you get the point. Saddest thing about it is I rated DT, Melody (BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! (that meant good) ) and Sharky P. Who the f**k was Unknown though? Didn't know who he was then, where the hell is he now? And why did he use my parody garage voice? Alesha Dixon had more vibes "H'insiiide" her. (Deep down I do realise it is a good summer vibe track)

Special shout out to DJ Luck and MC Neat & MC Neat for consistently putting out cheese after Little Bit Of Luck. Such an underground song, to stuff like Piano Loco? Come on bruv

p.s. I was a big garage fan, I realise there were a lot of cheesy garage songs in the charts. Difference is I could bear with and liked a lot of them, but these ones took the biscuit.

Here's is an example of timeless classic to me. Did it the proper way too. I remember girls singing this in school (showing my age now) before it was anywhere near the charts. If my memory serves me correctly, I'm sure it was the first one to buss from the underground to #1. I think this would have been in 1998/1999

Shanks & Bigfoot - Sweet Like Chocolate

I won't post anymore, that will be for another post. Make sure you tune in to the next episode of FlaaaaaaaashBack Friiiiiiiiidayyyyyy


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